Yor Smit: Positive Masculinity Redefined | S2 Ep12

The discussion centers on redefining masculinity through empathy, emotional expression, and positive masculinity, challenging traditional stereotypes. The guest, who has personally navigated toxic masculinity, advocates for men to embrace their emotions and reject harmful societal norms. He highlights the dangers of suppressing emotions, linking it to broader societal issues like violence and intolerance. The conversation also touches on the influence of figures like Andrew Tate and the impact of social media algorithms in perpetuating toxic narratives. The guest emphasizes self-reflection and community support as crucial steps toward personal growth and societal change.

• Positive masculinity involves embracing one's emotions and expressing them healthily without resorting to extremes.
• It encourages men to show vulnerability, empathy, and compassion, countering traditional stereotypes of stoicism and aggression.
• Positive masculinity also entails caring for others and seeking consent in interactions, promoting mutual respect and understanding.

"Positive masculinity is all about embracing your inner man about your emotions without becoming too extreme."

• Emphasizes the importance of emotional expression in positive masculinity without going to extremes.

"Make sure that you're bringing them out that you're expressing them."

• Encourages men to express their emotions openly rather than suppressing them.

"Positive masculinity is also about taking care of others in a good way."

• Highlights the importance of empathy and care in the concept of positive masculinity.

• Men are often taught to suppress emotions other than anger, which can lead to instability and mental health issues.
• Society's expectations create a stigma around men expressing emotions, which needs to be challenged.
• Encouraging emotional expression can lead to more stable mental health and stronger individuals.

"Most of us actually almost all of us learn from a young age that we can't show emotion."

• Discusses the societal conditioning that teaches men to hide their emotions.

"We need to learn man young man older man that it's okay to cry to be happy to express themselves."

• Advocates for changing societal norms to allow men to express their emotions freely.

• The violence pyramid illustrates how seemingly harmless behaviors can escalate into severe violence if unchecked.
• Locker room talk and other forms of casual misogyny contribute to a culture that supports violence against women.
• Addressing these behaviors is crucial to creating a safer and more equitable world.

"If you don't root out the evil from the bottom will work towards murder and that's the violence pyramid."

• Explains the concept of the violence pyramid and its implications for societal violence.

"If see them talking about someone in a very negative way what can you do about that."

• Encourages individuals to challenge negative behaviors and language among peers.

• The speaker shares their personal journey from toxic masculinity to positive masculinity.
• They emphasize the continuous nature of self-improvement and learning.
• The Golden Path initiative aims to help young men find their masculinity positively and supportively.

"Everything in my life went to and I got a wakeup call."

• Describes the personal turning point that led to a commitment to change.

"If I can do that everyone can do that and it's a hard part."

• Encourages others to embark on their journey of self-discovery and improvement.

• There is concern about younger generations, particularly Gen Z, adopting more conservative views than previous generations.
• Despite having access to more information, Gen Z males are reportedly more conservative, similar to older generations.
• The role of algorithms and social media in shaping beliefs and reinforcing conservative ideologies is significant.

"Gen Z males are actually far more conservative than Millennials."

• Highlights the surprising trend of increasing conservatism among Gen Z males.

"A lot of the younger Generations are getting a lot of misinformation all fed through the algorithms."

• Discusses the impact of algorithm-driven content on shaping societal beliefs and misinformation.

• Encourages being open, supportive, and curious about diverse identities and experiences.
• Acknowledges the importance of using correct pronouns and terms to create a safer environment for everyone.
• Emphasizes the need for continuous learning and adaptation to be more inclusive.

"Everyone has right to be who they are and if I can help them as a why meal well use my privileges."

• Advocates for using personal privilege to support and uplift marginalized communities.

"It's simple as that just if someone asks you to do something that makes them feel safer and happier what's the problem."

• Stresses the ease and importance of making small changes to support inclusivity and acceptance.

• Discussion on the bias and misinformation prevalent on social media platforms like YouTube and Twitter.
• The algorithmic influence on new accounts based on gender, promoting toxic masculinity and rage-inducing content.
• Criticism of Elon Musk's management of Twitter, perceived as promoting intolerance and toxicity.

"If you make a new account, you get fed so much misinformation, so much toxic masculinity... because it's all rage baiting."

• Highlights the manipulation of social media algorithms to promote controversial content to increase engagement.

"Stephen King left Twitter because he said it's becoming more worse than what I've ever thought that it would be."

• Reflects the growing dissatisfaction among users regarding the platform's shift towards toxicity under new management.

• Examination of different male archetypes: Alpha, Beta, Sigma, Gamma, Delta, Zeta.
• Critique of the "alpha male" stereotype as misunderstood, emphasizing leadership over dominance.
• Introduction of the "finger" archetype as a critique of toxic masculinity represented by figures like Andrew Tate.

"Any man who calls himself a king is no king at all... We need leaders, not bosses."

• Emphasizes the need for collaborative and empathetic leaders rather than domineering figures.

"His whole empire is built on misogyny... Any man who looks up to him and says, 'Well, I want to be him,' dude, don't."

• Criticizes the glorification of toxic figures and the negative impact on societal values and personal growth.

• Identification of positive male role models who embody empathy, emotional intelligence, and leadership.
• Examples include Gordon Ramsey, Ren Stft from Emancipator, Tim Hoffman, and personal figures like the speaker's boss.

"If you look at Gordon Ramsey... in the core, he is a good man. He is an example."

• Highlights the duality of public personas and the underlying positive attributes that define true leadership.

"My boss... is a positive role model. He said, 'I don't understand everything, but as long as you're happy, that's it.'"

• Illustrates the qualities of a supportive and understanding leader who prioritizes employee well-being and growth.

• Discussion of historical societies like the Vikings and their progressive views on gender roles.
• Contrast between modern perceptions of historical masculinity and the actual societal structures that valued equality.

"A lot of people think that they are those aggressive brutes, but they were actually for that time a very progressive society."

• Challenges stereotypes by presenting historical evidence of gender equality and progressive social structures.

"Women controlled the finances, women were the head of the household... that quick, quicker than now."

• Provides examples of gender dynamics in Viking society that reflect a more balanced and equitable approach to gender roles.

• The discussion involves categorizing various public figures and fictional characters into personality archetypes such as toxic, alpha, and sigma.
• Donald Trump, Kanye West, and Elon Musk are labeled as toxic due to perceived negative behaviors and attitudes.
• Barack Obama is considered an alpha male with leadership qualities, though not without flaws.
• Jon Snow from "Game of Thrones" is seen as a leader, more of a sigma male, trying to do right with limited resources.
• Gordon Ramsay is identified as an alpha due to his dominant personality.
• Max Verstappen is described as a good team player, potentially a beta, due to his non-leadership role and cooperative nature.
• Jordan Peterson is discussed as having valid points but lacking effective solutions, making it difficult to categorize him.

"Donald Trump toxic capital letters."

• Donald Trump is perceived as having overwhelmingly negative traits.

"Barack Obama example a alpha male but with some that I consider not really great but he was on the right path."

• Barack Obama is acknowledged as a leader, albeit not perfect.

"Jordan Peterson... he has some points but the solutions are not there."

• Jordan Peterson is recognized for raising important issues but criticized for not providing practical solutions.

• Idolizing public figures can lead to disillusionment when their true nature is revealed.
• Personal growth begins with self-reflection, questioning one's identity, and setting personal goals.
• The process involves acknowledging past mistakes and learning to express emotions constructively.
• The speaker shares their journey of self-discovery, emphasizing the importance of confronting one's darker self to initiate change.

"First of all lose the idolization of people... If you set someone upon a pillar to look up to they will always fall down."

• Idolization is discouraged as it often leads to disappointment.

"It all starts with self-reflection... looking in the mirror and look at myself."

• Self-reflection is the foundational step towards personal growth.

"I saw a dark broing kind of evil person... I promised myself I am going to change."

• Confronting one's past self is crucial for initiating personal transformation.

• The speaker narrates their journey towards healing, inspired by a song that metaphorically represents shedding past burdens.
• The journey involves continuous self-improvement, guided by therapy and personal promises to change.
• The speaker emphasizes the importance of aligning heart, mind, and soul in the pursuit of becoming a better person.
• A tattoo symbolizes the speaker's transformation, with runes representing positive meanings while warding off negativity.

"I promised myself I am going to change... walk a golden path towards my own healing."

• Commitment to personal change is reinforced through metaphorical imagery.

"You're already taking the steps... looking towards a New Horizon towards a new future."

• The speaker's therapist acknowledges their progress towards becoming a better person.

"This is um a certain number for me... there's a whole meaning behind it."

• The tattoo serves as a personal symbol of transformation and protection.

• The speaker suggests various resources for self-improvement, including books, articles, and engaging with diverse perspectives.
• Reading outside one's comfort zone is encouraged to challenge existing beliefs and facilitate growth.
• The speaker shares their experience with a masculinity organization that provided insights into positive masculinity and personal development.
• The initiative taken by the speaker aims to promote positive masculinity and counter toxic influences.

"Always read something that's outside what what you're maybe a bit uncomfortable with."

• Engaging with diverse viewpoints is crucial for challenging and expanding one's perspective.

"They actually helped me take the first steps... about positive masculinity."

• The speaker credits a masculinity organization for aiding their initial steps towards positive masculinity.

"I'm giving someone a part to walk on to be a better man."

• The speaker's initiative aims to guide others towards personal growth and positive masculinity.

• The speaker measures success by the positive impact on others, striving to help even one person become better.
• The initiative has already influenced dozens, helping them move away from toxic masculinity towards more tolerant and emotionally aware behaviors.
• The speaker's work focuses on promoting positive masculinity through various platforms and resources.

"I've actually helped dozens already who started that Journey who talk with me who read my blogs."

• The speaker's efforts have positively impacted multiple individuals on their path to self-improvement.

"I was going down a part of of Tate... now I am changing."

• A testimonial highlights the speaker's influence in steering someone away from toxic masculinity.

• The speaker acknowledges past toxic behavior towards ex-girlfriends and male friends, and expresses a commitment to change.
• Emphasizes the importance of apologizing and making amends for past wrongs as a path to personal growth and improved relationships.

"I'm actually changing that and, um, he's actually trying to contact ex-girlfriends to talk to them, and he wants to apologize for his behavior."

• Demonstrates the speaker's active efforts to reconcile past toxic actions by reaching out and apologizing.

• Discusses the difficulty of influencing friends embedded in toxic behaviors, such as treating women poorly or engaging in vandalism.
• Highlights the importance of setting boundaries and ending toxic friendships if necessary.

"I ended a friendship of 10 years with one of my male friends... because you don't want to listen to other people."

• Illustrates the speaker's decision to end a long-term friendship due to the friend's refusal to change toxic behavior.

• Advises not to tolerate intolerance and to challenge toxic comments and behaviors.
• Encourages open dialogue with those willing to learn and change, while acknowledging some individuals may be unreachable.

"If someone says, 'Oh, I didn't realize what I said is hurting people,' you can talk with them."

• Emphasizes the potential for growth and change when individuals are open to understanding the impact of their words and actions.

• Discusses how many men are turning to toxic ideologies due to fear of losing traditional societal roles.
• Advocates for helping men understand and adapt to new social dynamics through emotional expression and inclusivity.

"Most men who are now turning to the red pill side... are actually really afraid of what their position is in life."

• Highlights the fear and uncertainty some men feel in adapting to changing societal expectations and the need for supportive guidance.

• Stresses the importance of listening and engaging with diverse groups to build understanding and alliances.
• Encourages individuals to use their privileges to support marginalized communities.

"It all starts with listening, talking, and not just hearing people but actually listening."

• Underlines the significance of active listening and communication in fostering allyship and understanding.

• Identifies positive male figures in media, like Gomez from "The Addams Family" and Shrek, who embody love, emotional expression, and personal growth.
• Suggests these characters as examples of healthy masculinity.

"Gomez... experiences life as if he is in love with everything... He is a positive male figure in the media."

• Points to Gomez as a role model for embracing life with love and positivity, offering a contrast to toxic masculinity.

• The speaker reflects on personal growth and the decision to become a better person as the most significant impact on their life.
• Emphasizes the importance of self-reflection and self-improvement in creating a positive change in one's life and the world.

"I turned my life around. I chose to be a better man and I chose to make the world a better, safer, and happier place."

• Highlights the speaker's journey of personal transformation and the empowerment that comes from taking responsibility for one's growth.