In this profound conversation with Jada Pinkett Smith, the multifaceted actress and seeker opens up about her tumultuous journey, from grappling with a cycle of self-hatred and suicidal thoughts to finding solace through Ayahuasca ceremonies. Jada reflects on her challenging upbringing with drug-addicted parents in Baltimore, her close yet platonic relationship with Tupac Shakur, and the complexities of her marriage to Will Smith, including navigating public scrutiny and personal discontent. She candidly discusses the pivotal moments of her life, such as the infamous "entanglement" revelation and Will's "holy slap" incident, revealing the deeper layers of emotion and the quest for self-worth beneath her actions. Throughout, Jada emphasizes the importance of self-discovery, surrendering to a higher power, and the lessons learned from vulnerability and connection.
"I was in a cycle of self hatred, and it was just a really dark time. I went out and I knew I had to make it look like an accident because I did not want my kids to think that I had committed."
The quote highlights Jada's emotional struggles and her concern for how her actions would be perceived by her children, particularly in relation to her children's understanding of her actions.
"I really thought I was going to be the next big time female drug dealer. I was absolutely fearless. But getting two 9 mm pointed at..."
The quote illustrates Jada's fearless attitude in her youth and her ambitions within the drug-dealing scene, which were abruptly challenged by a life-threatening situation.
"Somebody set me up. And then I had to always have this tough exterior. Now, as I'm dismantling my defenses, I'm in a really raw place."
This quote conveys Jada's transition from maintaining a tough exterior as a defense mechanism to confronting her vulnerabilities and the emotional rawness that comes with it.
"The first mirror I had was kind of nonexistent in a way because drugs were my parents priority during my upbringing and so I didn't really get the reflection of feeling like a priority to the people who brought me into the world."
Jada's quote reveals the emotional neglect she felt as a child due to her parents' addictions, which failed to provide her with a sense of being valued and prioritized.
"Once she passed that's when I took to the streets to figure out finding my home, finding my tribe, finding my power, finding my identity, finding my purpose, finding my worth."
The quote encapsulates Jada's journey of self-discovery and the lengths she went to find a sense of belonging and self-worth after the loss of her grandmother's supportive presence.
"It was a real outlet for me, where I was able to express certain feelings that I didn't feel like I had the permission to express at home."
This quote highlights the role of acting in Jada's life as a means to channel and express complex emotions that were otherwise suppressed in her personal environment.
"You don't get over things in the sense of, like, it's forgotten. You learn to cope with it."
Jada's quote reflects on the lasting emotional impact of traumatic experiences and the process of coping rather than forgetting such events.
"The streets, that's where I saw security because we didn't have doctors and lawyers to look upon. That's the aspiration, right?"
The quote illustrates Jada's perspective on finding security and aspiration in the lifestyle of the streets, given the lack of conventional role models in her community.
"Getting two 9 mm pointed at you at one time, one to your head. You would think that's a big wake up call, Jada."
This quote underscores a pivotal moment in Jada's life that served as a stark reality check, forcing her to reevaluate her path and the dangers she faced.
"Rough around the edges? Yeah. Because, I mean, it was part of what was refreshing for a lot of people, but it was also the thing that was standoffish, too. Right?"
This quote highlights how Jada's unique personality was a double-edged sword in her early Hollywood career, making her stand out but also potentially hindering her acceptance in the industry.
"Warren Beatty, bless him, he was probably one of the first people that was just like, hey, you're in Hollywood now, okay, I get it. But why don't you allow people to see some other aspects? That charm you have, that smile you have."
Jada credits Warren Beatty with helping her realize the importance of showing her softer side in Hollywood without compromising her true self.
"I still, to this day, people like, I still to this day have to manage that, because it's just in me. It's just part of me, because it was such a. It was something that was built at the foundation."
This quote reflects on the long-term impact of Jada's defensive attitude, which originated from her need to protect herself, and how it continues to affect her ability to connect with others.
"From that moment on, we just connected. It was as if we already knew each other. It's crazy."
This quote describes the instant and profound bond between Jada and Tupac, highlighting the rare and deep connection they shared from the very beginning.
"He wore his heart on his sleeve and he could join you. And so what I mean by joining you is that he's not talking at you, he's talking with you."
Jada emphasizes Tupac's unique ability to empathize with others and communicate from a place of shared experience, which made his music and message so powerful.
"And I got to see a totally different side of Dwayne."
Jada's revelation about Will Smith's character underscores the importance of not judging someone based on first impressions and being open to discovering their true depth.
"I think my body was telling me that. I think my mind was telling me, hey, we have some things we got to pay attention to up here."
The quote reflects on the critical moment when Jada's body and mind demanded that she confront her mental health struggles, marking a pivotal point in her personal growth and self-awareness.
"And specifically, mental health was considered, like a white people thing. Black people don't have mental health issues. Right. And so suicide for sure was a white people thing."
The quote highlights the misconception that mental health issues are exclusive to certain races, which can lead to feelings of confusion and isolation for those who do not fit the stereotype.
"You can deal with it or it will deal with you. Those are your two choices."
This quote emphasizes the inevitability of confronting mental health issues, suggesting that one can either proactively address them or be forced to deal with the consequences later.
"It feels like I just came back from seeing Pac at Rikers and I had to leave him there. It was just like yesterday."
The quote conveys the lasting emotional impact of a significant event in Jada's life, illustrating how certain memories and feelings can remain vivid over time.
"I'm still working out my relationship with grief, actually, I haven't really. Yeah, I'm still working that out."
This quote reveals Jada's ongoing struggle with grief, indicating that it is a complex and continuous process.
"Internally, I was spiritually bankrupt."
The quote underscores the disparity between Jada's outward achievements and her inner sense of fulfillment, suggesting that success does not necessarily equate to happiness or spiritual well-being.
"Because heartbreak, there's this beautiful seed in heartbreak, which is like, it breaks you open."
This quote metaphorically describes the potential for growth and connection that can come from the vulnerability caused by heartbreak.
"And so it took will and I. Three decades." "Yeah, we'll connect later. It's like, what kind of foolishness is that?" "What do you think you're going to think about most when you're on your deathbed? How you were loved and how you loved?"
The quotes express the time it took for Jada and her partner to build their relationship, the flawed concept of delaying emotional connection, and the ultimate realization that love is the most significant aspect one considers at life's end.
"It's an excuse, though, isn't it? It is an excuse to justify my own toxic workaholism." "Listen, when intimacy makes us have to look at our shit, right."
These quotes highlight the use of work as a justification to avoid intimacy and the necessity of facing personal issues for genuine emotional closeness.
"You talk of this loss of identity when you married Will..." "I felt as though at that time, all right, I want to help you do all of those things. I'm here to help you with that."
The quotes reflect Jada's feelings of losing herself while supporting her partner's ambitions and the realization that happiness cannot be found solely through another person.
"It is not his responsibility to make you happy. He can't. It's impossible." "You get to have your dream. How come I'm not having mine?"
These quotes convey the realization that one's happiness cannot be dependent on their partner and that fulfilling societal expectations does not guarantee personal fulfillment.
"I had to get to the bare bones of Jada and walk what I call the exiled lands." "I was in a very dark place. Very dark place."
The quotes describe the deep introspection and struggle Jada went through to confront her internal issues and the disparity between her internal state and external life.
"The medicine really showed me this pit of self hatred I was in, and it helped me get out of it." "Something is asking to die, but not you..."
These quotes reveal the transformative impact of Ayahuasca on Jada's mental state and her interpretation of suicidal thoughts as a metaphor for the death of negative psychological patterns.
"You have to surrender everything you think you are and everything you think you know."
The quote summarizes the act of surrender as a relinquishment of ego and an embrace of spiritual guidance.
"I was like, well, I just wanted to end everything." "Martyrdom that I will."
These quotes discuss the struggle with public perception and the internal realization of unhealthy patterns of self-sacrifice.
"It's a really complex moment." "And there was a lot that was stirring up for him at that time because of emancipation."
The quotes address the multifaceted nature of the Oscars incident and the emotional undertones that influenced the actions taken.
"Because it's not until we understand people's context that we understand them." "It's your story. But throughout your story, you leave these little nuggets of wisdom and lessons..."
These quotes highlight the book's ability to provide perspective on personal growth and the universality of human struggles.