How to Control Your Inner Voice & Increase Your Resilience | Dr. Ethan Kross

In this episode of the Huberman Lab Podcast, host Andrew Huberman discusses the inner voice and emotional regulation with guest Dr. Ethan Kross, a psychology professor at the University of Michigan and author of "Chatter: The Voice in Our Head and How to Harness It." They explore how the inner voice influences emotions, confidence, and anxiety, and discuss strategies to manage intrusive thoughts and ruminations. Dr. Kross emphasizes the importance of regulating this "chatter" to improve mental health and performance. They also touch on the impact of social media and the balance between focusing on emotions and healthy distractions. Dr. Kross introduces his upcoming book, "Shift: Managing Your Emotions So They Don't Manage You," which aims to provide tools for effective emotion regulation.

• The inner voice is a fundamental aspect of human cognition, allowing us to silently use language to reflect on various aspects of our lives.
• It acts as a "Swiss army knife" for the mind, performing multiple functions such as verbal working memory, planning, and self-control.
• Chatter, the negative aspect of the inner voice, can be intrusive and impact emotional states, confidence, and anxiety levels.

"The inner voice is something that we carry with us wherever we go, but we don't tend to learn what it is."

• This quote emphasizes the omnipresence of the inner voice and the lack of understanding about its nature and functions.

• Verbal Working Memory: The inner voice helps keep information active for short periods, aiding in tasks like remembering phone numbers or grocery lists.
• Simulation and Planning: It allows for mental rehearsal of future events, such as presentations or interviews, enhancing preparation and performance.
• Self-Control and Motivation: The inner voice can be used to motivate oneself during challenging tasks, such as exercise, by self-talk and mental encouragement.

"Your inner voice is part of what we call our verbal working memory system, a basic system of the human mind that lets us do something extraordinary but totally ordinary also."

• The quote highlights the dual nature of the inner voice as both a common and remarkable cognitive tool.

• Chatter refers to the negative self-talk and repetitive thoughts that can be detrimental to mental health.
• It can exacerbate emotions like anxiety and depression, making it harder to focus on tasks or achieve goals.
• Strategies to manage chatter include various forms of self-regulation and emotion regulation techniques.

"Chatter is a dark side of the inner voice, and having the ability to silently use language is a boon to The Human Condition."

• This quote distinguishes chatter from other beneficial uses of the inner voice, acknowledging its potential negative impact.

• Music is a powerful tool for shifting emotions, capable of both amplifying and modulating emotional states.
• People often choose music that matches their current mood, which can either deepen or alleviate emotional experiences.
• Sensory experiences like music are underutilized for emotion regulation, despite their effectiveness.

"Music is a really powerful tool for modulating our emotions. It's about emotions, feel good."

• The quote underscores the emotional impact of music and its potential as a tool for managing emotional states.

• Providing support without highlighting it can prevent negative reactions and enhance emotional well-being.
• Invisible support involves helping others in ways that are not overtly acknowledged, such as performing tasks to alleviate their burden.
• Tactile interactions, like affectionate touch, can also serve as powerful emotional regulators.

"There's this beautiful research which shows that if you see someone suffering and you volunteer to help them and they haven't asked you to help them, that can blow up in your face."

• The quote highlights the potential pitfalls of unsolicited help and the importance of subtle, supportive actions.

• Expressive writing, a method developed by Jamie Pennebaker, is an effective tool for processing emotions and organizing thoughts.
• Writing imposes structure on chaotic thoughts, helping to alleviate the negative effects of chatter.
• Despite its benefits, expressive writing is underutilized, possibly due to its perceived effortfulness.

"Expressive writing is a remarkably wonderful side effect free intervention for helping you deal with curveballs that life throws at you."

• This quote emphasizes the therapeutic potential of expressive writing as a low-cost, effective method for emotional regulation.

• Decision-making can be enhanced by focusing on practical aspects of choices rather than abstract pros and cons.
• Engaging in structured inner dialogue can help clarify priorities and lead to more confident decisions.
• The process of weighing options often involves externalizing thoughts through writing or discussion.

"Take yourself through a typical weekday in one place versus the other. Wake up, where you going to go, how are you going to travel?"

• The quote suggests a practical approach to decision-making by visualizing daily routines in different scenarios to inform choices.

• The speaker emphasizes the importance of evaluating decisions through different perspectives, including daily routines and unexpected insights.
• Engaging in physical activities like speed bag work can lead to unconscious problem-solving and bring clarity to complex decisions.
• There are no one-size-fits-all solutions for addressing significant life problems, highlighting the need for varied approaches to self-discovery and insight.

"Take yourself through the entire day... do it on a weekend... that was very useful."

• Emphasizes the importance of visualizing daily routines to gain clarity on decisions.

"I was doing some speed bag work... and all of a sudden boom a thought just geyser to the surface and I made my decision."

• Illustrates how physical activities can lead to spontaneous insights and decisions.

"These answers to hard problems seem to come from very diametrically opposed approaches... Boom the answer shows up."

• Highlights the unpredictable nature of insights and the benefit of diverse problem-solving techniques.

• The unconscious mind can solve problems when not actively engaged, often during physical activities.
• Loading an issue before engaging in aerobic exercise can lead to spontaneous solutions.
• This process is beneficial for personal and professional success.

"Before I exercise... I will load up the particular issue that I'm trying to find a solution for... and inevitably the ideas... bubble up into awareness."

• Describes leveraging exercise as a tool for unconscious problem-solving.

"It identifies one of the reasons why chatter can be so unbelievably pernicious."

• Highlights the contrast between productive unconscious problem-solving and unproductive mental chatter.

• Chatter is the repetitive looping of negative thoughts, hindering problem-solving and consuming mental resources.
• It is associated with various mood disorders and can interfere with focus and decision-making.
• Reducing chatter can free up cognitive resources for innovation and problem-solving.

"If we think of chatter as the dark side of your inner voice... you're not making any Headway."

• Defines chatter as a negative loop that prevents progress and consumes attention.

"Chatter refers to a process... you could inject some sad cognitions in there... then you're getting towards depression."

• Explains how chatter can manifest in different forms, leading to mood disorders.

• Distancing techniques, such as using one's name in self-talk, can help manage emotions and reduce chatter.
• Temporal distancing involves considering how one will feel about an issue in the future, which can decrease its emotional impact.
• The importance of having a strategy to manage chatter, including leveraging social support and natural environments.

"One tactic that I find very powerful is language... use my name and the second person pronoun you."

• Describes using language to create emotional distance and gain perspective.

"I refuse to believe any thought that occurs between the hours of 2: a.m. and 5: a.m."

• Discusses the strategy of disregarding negative thoughts that arise during vulnerable times.

"The official name for this tool is not mental time travel it is called temporal distancing."

• Introduces temporal distancing as a method to reduce the intensity of emotional experiences.

• Social media can act as a distraction from internal chatter but also has the potential to amplify negative emotions.
• The lack of emotional feedback in digital communication can lead to unfiltered emotional expression.
• Navigating social media effectively requires understanding its impact on emotions and communication.

"Social media as providing people with a giant megaphone for their inner voice."

• Highlights how social media encourages sharing internal thoughts, which can be both positive and negative.

"Interacting with this technology has really fundamentally altered the way we communicate emotional information."

• Discusses the impact of technology on emotional expression and communication dynamics.

• AI could provide personalized tools for managing emotions by analyzing patterns and offering tailored solutions.
• The potential for AI to assist in understanding and optimizing combinations of emotion regulation strategies is significant.
• AI could serve as a pseudo-self, offering objective insights unaffected by emotional states.

"AI has the potential to help us advance on a problem where psychologists like myself currently find ourselves fixed."

• Explores the potential of AI to enhance understanding and management of emotions.

"AI can provide a kind of pseudo self that is wiser than ourselves in any moment."

• Suggests AI's ability to offer objective, consistent insights regardless of the user's emotional state.

• Imaginary friends in children are a common phenomenon and may represent an early form of internal dialogue.
• Children often engage in self-talk as a method of practicing self-control, repeating messages they hear from caregivers.
• As children grow, this external dialogue becomes internalized, forming the basis for self-regulation throughout life.
• In moments of stress, even adults may revert to this self-talk, sometimes vocalizing their internal dialogue.

"Are Imaginary Friends common in children and are Imaginary Friends the primordial form of our internal dialogue with ourselves?"

• This question explores the prevalence of imaginary friends in childhood and their potential role in developing internal dialogue.

"One of the ways self-control is first learned is actually through self-talk."

• Self-talk is a developmental tool for self-regulation, where children mimic the guidance from caregivers.

• Negative self-talk can be functional if used in moderation and can motivate individuals through challenging situations.
• It's important to avoid getting stuck in negative thought loops, known as "chatter," which can lead to harmful outcomes.
• Self-talk can be strategically used to push through physical and mental challenges, as exemplified by athletes and coaches.

"Negative emotions are functional when they're activated in the right proportions."

• Negative self-talk, when balanced, can serve as a motivational tool without leading to detrimental effects.

"What is bad is if we start looping... that's when things get harmful."

• Persistent negative thought loops, or "chatter," are detrimental and need to be managed effectively.

• Green spaces and natural environments provide cognitive restoration by capturing attention in a gentle way.
• Experiencing nature can elicit the emotion of awe, helping to shrink the self and make personal problems seem smaller.
• Nature is one of many environmental tools available to manage emotions and improve mental well-being.

"Going for a walk in a safe natural setting can be cognitively restorative."

• Nature walks allow for mental rejuvenation by gently engaging attention and providing a break from stress.

"When we feel smaller, guess what else feels smaller? Our problems."

• The awe experienced in nature helps put personal issues into perspective, reducing their perceived magnitude.

• People can develop emotional attachments to specific places, which can serve as sources of comfort and emotional regulation.
• Returning to familiar and emotionally significant locations can aid in navigating distressing situations.
• Structuring environments to minimize distractions, such as removing phones during discussions, enhances focus and emotional regulation.

"We also develop these associations with places... going back to those places during times of distress can be really rejuvenating."

• Emotional attachments to places can provide solace and help manage emotional turmoil.

"By leaving our phones outside of the space, we are managing our emotions in a very blunt and effective way."

• Removing distractions like phones can significantly enhance focus and emotional engagement in the present.

• Cultural norms and environments shape emotional experiences and provide frameworks for emotional regulation.
• Different environments, such as work and social settings, have distinct cultural influences that affect emotional responses.
• Technology, like smartphones, introduces complex challenges and opportunities for emotional management.

"Culture as a shifter... powerfully shape our emotional lives."

• Cultural contexts influence emotional experiences and regulatory practices, impacting how emotions are managed.

"Social media and Technology can and do a lot of harm and a lot of good."

• Technology presents both challenges and benefits, and navigating its impact on emotions requires careful consideration.

• Throughout history, humans have sought tools for emotion regulation, from surgical interventions to modern behavioral techniques.
• Current research emphasizes non-invasive, science-based tools like mindfulness, nature exposure, and structured environments.
• Effective emotion regulation involves understanding and utilizing available tools while being motivated to manage emotions.

"We have made major advances in identifying non-invasive science-based tools that can be leveraged to help people lead more productive emotional lives."

• Modern approaches to emotion regulation focus on non-invasive methods that are accessible and effective.

"For any person who is watching or listening who's motivated to manage their emotions right now, there are many things you can do to start."

• Numerous tools are available for immediate use in managing emotions, emphasizing the importance of motivation and knowledge.

• Intrusive thoughts are a common human experience and often represent the brain's way of simulating worst-case scenarios.
• Understanding the normative nature of intrusive thoughts can alleviate distress and aid in emotional management.
• Tools for managing repetitive thinking and chatter are applicable to mitigating the impact of intrusive thoughts.

"Intrusive thoughts... are incredibly normative."

• Intrusive thoughts are a widespread phenomenon, and recognizing their commonality can reduce associated distress.

"When you're curtailing chatter, you are also curtailing the likelihood of perseverating."

• Managing chatter and repetitive thinking helps in reducing the persistence of intrusive thoughts.

• Intrusive thoughts often serve as a mechanism for assessing risk and consequence, not as an indication of moral corruption.
• These thoughts can be adaptive, helping individuals to focus on important issues and avoid potential dangers.

"I remember having these intrusive thoughts of at night when we'd have to bring my daughter into the bedroom to feed her or change her diaper whatever I would have these thoughts of carrying her and then dropping her over into the you know and splat like not pleasant thoughts to experience in the middle of the night."

• This quote highlights how intrusive thoughts can manifest in everyday life, serving as a protective mechanism to prevent harm.

• Engaging in activities that require full attention can be satisfying and help manage internal energy levels.
• Physical and cognitive activities can lead to flow states, which are highly productive and beneficial for mental health.

"Engaging in an activity that harnesses my full attention feels to me so unbelievably satisfying."

• This quote emphasizes the satisfaction derived from activities that fully engage one's attention, highlighting the connection between focus and well-being.

• Flow states occur when there is a balance between the demands of a situation and the resources available to meet them.
• Cognitive velocity refers to the speed at which one can process and retain information, which can be optimized through practice.

"When you know that is because you are so absorbed in the moment and meeting the the challenges of that situation that all of your attention is commanded to that that point in time."

• This quote illustrates the immersive nature of flow states, where time perception changes due to complete absorption in an activity.

• Transitioning between different mental states is crucial for maintaining productivity and well-being.
• Understanding personal transition patterns can help in managing energy levels and emotional states.

"I don't transition States very well so it takes me a little while to drop into a state but then I stay there."

• The quote highlights the importance of recognizing personal patterns in transitioning between mental states to optimize performance and well-being.

• The WHOOP framework helps individuals achieve their goals by identifying wishes, outcomes, obstacles, and plans.
• Emotion regulation involves managing internal states through strategic planning and cognitive tools.

"What are the obstacles that we can anticipate that might undermine our ability to achieve that goal."

• This quote emphasizes the importance of anticipating obstacles in goal achievement and emotion regulation.

• Strategic deployment of attention can help manage emotional episodes and improve emotional well-being.
• Flexibility in attention allows individuals to balance focusing on problems and taking breaks to maintain mental health.

"She was focusing on the emotional issue at times when it was productive for her but at other times when it didn't serve her well she occupied her attention with other kinds of thoughts and experiences."

• The quote demonstrates the importance of flexible attention deployment in managing emotions and maintaining mental health.

• Emotional contagion can spread rapidly in group settings, influencing group mood and performance.
• Being aware of emotional contagion is crucial in managing team dynamics and maintaining a productive environment.

"Emotions can spread within seconds...we tend to catch emotions more quickly when we're not sure of how we should be thinking or feeling in a particular situation."

• This quote highlights the speed and impact of emotional contagion, especially in uncertain situations.

• Wisdom involves humility, perspective-taking, and a commitment to the social good.
• These traits help individuals navigate complex social situations and bridge divides.

"A few of its core features are humility recognizing that I don't know everything a commitment to perspective taking putting myself in the other person's shoes."

• The quote outlines key features of wisdom that facilitate effective navigation of social and emotional challenges.

• The discussion emphasizes the importance of understanding and managing emotions for personal and social well-being.
• Future research and tools like the upcoming book "Shift" aim to provide deeper insights into emotion regulation.

"It is written to kind of just open the open the book on what emotions are what we often get wrong about them and what are the tools that we have to re them in."

• This quote underscores the goal of future work to enhance understanding and management of emotions for improved well-being.